The Importance of Peer Interactions and Friendships
Though the idea of friendship is difficult to define, none of us would argue its importance in our own lives and in the lives of our children. Our friends help us define who we are, our girts and talents, our dreams and our needs. Friends help each other when necessary and know when to let each other do things on their own as well.
I was so afraid of the future, there were days I could hardly breathe. For the first time they wanted Corey in regular classes (I thought they were crazy). I, however, have never been so wrong. Corey is in his second year of middle school and I am somewhere around "Cloud 9". He attends all the classes while doing work adapted for him. He has friends who look out for him. He has friends who eat with him at lunch. He has friends who sit with him on the school bus (the first year he has ridden a regular bus). He has friends who exchange school pictures with him. He has friends who sign his yearbook. He has friends who make sure he is where he is supposed to be.
- A Parent
Friendships do not come for free. They require respect from so many parties - our child, her schoolmates, her schoolmates' parents, the teachers, and of course, ourselves.
- A Parent
Our daughter, Alexis, has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair. She is 10 years old and attends fourth grade at Pulaski Elementary. She is a very energetic, loving, happy, outgoing child who refuses to let her disability keep her from trying and participating in most everything. She is very involved in school and community activities. She is a very active Junior in Girl Scouts with many friends in her troop. She goes bowling and out to eat with friends regularly, and, occasionally, even roller skating.
- A Parent
Alexis has been in my classroom for two years. We are good friends. I didn't pay much attention to people in wheelchairs before Alexis was in my classroom. Now I try to help when I can. I realize that she has feelings just like I do.
- Friend of Alexis
Friendships are at the base of a network of relationships that allow us to grow up, go to school, live, work, and play in our neighborhoods and communities. Through our friends, we have many opportunities to develop, practice, and maintain a variety of skills such as how to take part in meaningful conversations, how to dress, how to act like others when in groups, and how to solve problems and complete jobs. Without our friends, many of life's activities would be lonely and have no meaning. In fact, not having friends has often been related to 'maladjustment' later in life. People who don't have friends may find it difficult to get along with others at work, at home, or in other daily activities.
Why Is It Difficult For Some Children to Make Friends?
One major difficulty many children and youth with very diverse needs and abilities may face, especially as they are included in general education classes, is rejection and isolation (Stainback, Stainback & Wilkison, 1992). Often they have had little support from their peers and have had few, if any, real friends. For these children, a lack of opportunity has been the largest barrier to developing friendships. For example, if they have not been attending the same classes or even the same school as the other children in their neighborhood, they have had limited access to, as well as limited opportunity to play, learn and work with same-age peers. Similarly, classmates with more typical learning styles and needs have not been afforded the opportunity to develop friendships with peers with more significant learning challenges.
In addition to the lack of supports and friendships with peers, many
of the relationships of children and youth with disabilities are adult individuals
who are "paid" to be in their lives such as teachers, assistants,
and therapists. While these adults may play an important role, we all need
true friendships with people who are not always paid to be with us!
